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The main problem I have is that a lot of money was spent on clothes which are thrown on the floor, never hung up, never put in the washing basket and the room stinks..... occasionally they will come downstairs with 2 loads of washing, which I refuse to do (I will wash their clothes if they are put in the washing basket alongside everyone else's for the daily wash). This has been going on for a couple of years, so now I refuse to my them any new clothes.... they both have part time jobs and are able to fund their own clothes buying...... am I being unreasonable in not buying them clothes to screw up and throw on the floor to be trampled underfoot...? and believe me this happens to newly purchased clothes too, the clothes my daughter bought last weekend are under this pile somewhere.
Yes you can see dirty mugs and empty pot noodle pots.... normally I collect any washing up I can find each day, not sure when that mug crept in.... the pot noodle pot I would leave for them to tidy.
Anyway, last week for two days solid my daughter (she is nearly 17) kept on an on and on (I am sure this would be called mental and emotional abuse if I had done the same to her) telling me I wasn't a proper mother as I didn't buy her clothes. It was my right to look after her and buy her clothes otherwise I was failing as a mother and am useless.... is this true?
Today I have found out that I used to run a t-shirt business and printed t-shirts.... I still have the machine and a stock of T-shirts.... well did have a stock of t-shirts.... she has been helping herself to all my small white t-shirts as she needs a clean white one for her work experience... each day she works.... she worked a whole week a fortnight ago and 2 days this week, she has never put a single white t-shirt in the wash, so that is 7 new white t-shirts she has taken from my stock without asking.... if she had asked I would have given her a couple (I wash most days, so she would always have had a clean one).....Now I have her dad (my ex) telling me the money he gives me for the children is obviously not being spent on the children and that I am using it to fund my lifestyle.... (er what lifestyle, we are in debt to a ridiculous amount?!) when the 3 older children go to visit their dad once a week on a Friday, me, hubby and 2 younger boys eat beans on toast so that we can provide a proper meal for the others every other day of the week..... I am not looking after the children properly if I refuse to buy them clothes etc etc..... so, I would welcome any comments please because I am obviously doing something wrong and reacting over the top to what is reasonable where teenagers are concerned.... oh yes, just to add daughter spends her EMA each week (the part she doesn't spend on bus fares) on sausages and ice-cream and then complains that she just doesn't have enough to buy clothes. She also has a paper round which she can do 3 times a week, but normally is too busy watching tv to do it and gets her 13 year old brother to do it instead, so he obviously gets paid for it....
Anyway, rant over, I feel like a failure and would appreciate some feedback please, positive or negative, but please put it kindly any abusive emails will be deleted.... email to LindaLloyd@gmx.net. Thank you.
6 amazing people have contributed:
Those images looks so familiar to me, unfortunately. My DD is exactly the same and I was hoping she'd outgrow it. I do know that she probably feels overwhelmed by the mess so can't tidy it. We do have a "no food or drink in the bedroom" rule here so we don't have that particular hygiene issue. Anyway, can't advise on the financial issue but how about offering to help her tidy it up and, if she can keep it tidy for a certain amount of time, she can have new clothes? I can't try this with my DD as she hates clothes! But it might work for yours?
When I was about 15/16/17 cannot remember my room was the same (it was just a phase! :-) ) and my dad threatened for weeks that if I didn't sort it out he would put it all in black bags in the garage! HE DID got home from school and my room was bare everything that was on the floor was now in the garage - most upsetting but solved my bad habit!! Wouldn't know what to suggest for the t-shirt taking I know my parents would have gone spare! and it isn't something I would have done - I hope you sort it! sending you a hug x x x
From the age of about 13 (20+ years ago now) when I really got into clothes I had a clothes budget of £25 a month, but to earn that I had to do a set amount of chores around the house every week. If I didn't do all the chores then I didn't receive the full amount. One of my chores was to clean and tidy my room, including hoovering, dusting and polishing, so that was an incentive if I wanted my clothes allowance. Not sure if it's something you can afford to do, but it could be an idea to work on. My mum was always really strict at sticking to the rules too, so I could never get away with it. Sorry you're having to go through all this - I was a nightmare teen and guess it was very hard for my parents too. Sending you big hugs and no I do not think you're a useless mum at all - you're doing the best you can for your kids and one day they will appreciate it, even if they don't now. Remember teenage years are probably the worst we have to go through - not old enough to do certain things, but too old for others.
Big hugs too for my gorgeous kit the other day. I love that DSP you sent - what brand is it?
Blimey Linda a swift toe up the backside me thinks!! your a brilliant Mom and dont you forget it!! as for the ex, a very big kick in the you know whats should shut him up!!
Oh no Linda, poor you! But yep those pics are familiar to me too, maybe not as bad but thats due to me tidying the room lol. Teenagers....horrible creatures lol but it doesn't last and the best part is that they will probably have to go through the same thing with their kids and thats when we can sit back and laugh lol. I'm sure your a fab Mum and they know it too, they are just trying to see how far they can push you. Take care. Donna x
Awww Linda. You're not doing anything wrong. It's bleepin' teenagers .... not all of them are the same, but unfortunately a lot are! They know which of our buttons to press and when .... and boy do they press them!!! She's 17. She is completely and utterly self-absorbed. The world revolves around her and what she wants! You are just her mum :o) The person who's suppose to be at her beck and call with the deep pockets full of pennies for her and the taxi waiting on the drive. Stick to your guns hun. Boy is she pushing you .... but it's nothing you have or haven't done .... I bet you're a fantastic mum :o)
I haven't any real advice, but I do feel for what you're going thru and I hope it gets better very soon.
Teri xxxx
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